selfish

just approximately 20 seconds ago , someone threw a bomb at me .
fuck .
what did i do to deserve this .

The vicious cycle

Off today .
Stayed at Xq place last night , this morning suppose to wake at 9 but i woke at 12 . Sighss
Sent me home after lunch and he went for work .
Bathed , went lot to find en .
Pass her bird nest .
Slack till 7 .
Actually wanna buy food home for mummy but she didnt want so i go fairprice alone after en left ,
and i did some grocery before heading home . Very heavy lor . I'm getting more and more aunty . Hahaha
Eat and sleep awhile . Now blog lor . So boring .

The vicious cycle .

You're not going to bring anyone down .

Never , ever .

舍不得

Last night Yang fetched me together with Xq at 2am .
To his place , cause i wanna go hospital in the morning . Slept at 3:30 woke at 9 . Visited , then he sent me to work at 11 .. Home straight after work . So tired !
Nothing much , no photos also .. Too lazy to bring cam out .

I'm looking forward to the next weekend , en's birthday and 大日子 coming up .(.^_^.)

Anyway .. I hope all the people around me will be happy and healthy .
My girls , uncle , mummy , Xq . Everyone . Seems like this is a bad period of time .
Rain rain , go away ! Come to me , leave them alone ...

肚子饿了! ~

Happy Mothers Day

Yesterday , i brought mum out for dinner in advance for mother's day .. Then back home and i fell asleep . Suddenly 8pm Arief called and jio kbox at AMK . So i went down .. We started to sing around 930 . Then at 1045 i chiong down Changi Hospital ..
Alot of people , alot of tubes , alot of machines , alot of tears . Fortunately things are under control now . *God bless*
Then i chiong home at 2 . Cab fare really too much , cannot survive already ..

Today i reached workplace at 1035 , kana fucked already .. Ryan also kana .. Haiz .
Went home at 330 , due to motion sickness i vomitted when i reached home . I tried very hard to suppress the nausea feeling in bus lor ... And it was very disgusting cause i drank alot of coke earlier on and thus the vomit was blackish . So xinku la ..
Soon , i bath and change den go godma's place .. Headed for dinner with them and back home . Actually wanna go hospital but .. I'll go tmr after work instead .

Lastly , Happy Mothers' Day !
I love mum , always :) You're the best of the best .

small strong , you got to be strong .

Love .

after 6 days of slogging out ,

Finally i'm off . On Vesak day , only .
Will be bringing mum to eat and shop , and Sunday got to meet godmum and family for dinner after work . Actually i wanna cook for mummy , but i'm too lazy and tired . Moreover , i don't know how to cook . I hope i can learn you know ! But it really takes up alot of patience ..

Went to Changi Hospital just now after work . The swineflu gets the whole building in a big fuss ! You got to put on a mask at at entrance (its free from them) , get a sticker on you whereby it states "fever-free" , register your ic , and get a pass and to put it on your neck until you leave the hospital . Looks like a VIP when you walk around with the tag . Lol , but of cause its just a visitor pass ...

Around 10pm we headed for dinner at Bedok market place area .. That place is full of malays ! Alot alot of muslims .. Its like , another country . But well , thats because the food is good and affordable . We were very "chicken" over there , Xq had XO sauce with CHICKEN fried rice , i had Baked rice with CHICKEN in black pepper sauce , and he ordered a side of CHICKEN nuggets . Cause everything is Halal ~ The cheese in my baked rice is incredibly thick and melty . Too much already .
Kinda sick of chicken now .. =.=
He sent me home and he went back to do his stuffs . So poor thing .. its 3AM now already and he's still doing it ...

And here i am now , just finished editing my blogskin .. Eyes closing already , haha !
Oh ya , forgot to update about the Robinson promotion for lingerie that time , i bought 2 Wacoal bras (for less than 20 bucks ! can you imagine how cheap it was , and Wacoal rarely go on wagons .. BEST BUY OF THE MONTH lor . )and a box of Levi's undies . There was so many brands that i had a hard time choosing . Wanted to get Hush Puppies and Triumph as well , but i only have 1 pair of legs . Decide to save now to splurge for GSS !! HUrray ~

But shit . Now i've got so many pairs of new bras and undies (plus April's loots) , no time to wear them ALL ..!
Hope to clear some space in my wardrobe for my over-flowing lingeries .
I'm serious .

Its 03:03AM now ,
nights ..

Dear money ,

I know i'm wrong ..

I love you ! I need you !

Please come back to me ... Why .

fuck

I passed by my old blog , and (below)this was an old entry posted in 2007 , when i was 16 .
At that time , life was hard without money but was made easy with lovely friends surrounding me with love and memories . That was when i'm not into relationships at all , even though i had a bf for a short period of time . Love was nothing and never really existed . I dont give a fuck to then-bf .
My friends were everything i need . I love . I care about .
Right now , can't but have to admit Xq has played an important role in my life . As time goes by i saw his sincerity and patience , treating me like a baby . Till now .
And then i realise , its hard to balance up myself with boyfriend and girlfriends .
I've no time to spare for everybody . Even myself , working takes up the most time and i dont get enough rest . To chill , sing , play .
So i decide that i'm not perfect enough to please everyone .
Only the closests deserves my time . Of course , including my sisters(you can call me childish to say "sisters" but i dont care , thats how i addressed them since 2005 and always) .

We're human . Only human .
We need to concentrate on whats important to us instead of focusing on the negative setbacks .
Thats how it works , in life , in work , in this cruel society .

你随时要认命，因为你是人。

You cannot decide what comes to you , but you can choose what you want to do about it .

**************************************************

This is the extremely long entry posted on 14 August 2007 , here it goes :

"
Maybe i should learn to enjoy every part of my life , even if it means the bad ones . Because it doesnt repeat again . Many times in life i feel like giving up , feel like abandoning myself . Thinking that i can just die away like that .
But friends around me hold me on , telling me they would be there . Maybe a few words cant do much ; but i know that their concern is enough already .
We shouldnt be dependant on our friends too , they too have their own problems .
Grateful enough that they're there for us . But some people think that their friends adds more problem for them , so in the first place why are they all friends ?
If you regard them as friends , you shouldnt be shifting the wrongs and blames to them , unless its really their fault .
Sometimes environment , people , time , mood JUST doesnt allow us to be RIGHT all the time . And i believe no human can do that ..
Wats the definition of "right" and "wrong" , there shouldnt be R and W in the world . cause R and W is just our own views and opinions for that specific event . Lets say breaking rules is W , but even rules are set by man . And they say " man are all equal - but why cant we change it ?" The existance of R and W caused so much sufferings to us from the past till now and still going on in reality .
Mistakes - everyone does that . But who can really admit and face up to themselves . Most of us blame our mistakes onto others without knowing it . And thats when troubles start appearing . But , even if we have the courage to admit and face it , how many can really FORGIVE themselves ? few .
Forgiving needs much more courage than anything . And even when you can forgive , who will be there to give a 2nd chance . Many agrees on the outside , but when it come to realistic and by action , how many are willingly ?
As friends , we shouldnt be pushing the blames or adding the oil to the person , but helping them to change by reminding them .. Sadly sometimes , you can just find nobody to understand . Some will even ask you to fuck off and dont kpo . Lol , or maybe say you're faking your help - jia xing xing .
Thinking back , who's so free to fake themselves helping you ? That person must be crazy or whatsoever la . We're not asking to them to appreciate , but just understanding will make things fine ..To people who feel down or feel that nobody is there for them , or people are prejudice against them (or prejudice against their own friends) , think about it .
Did you let your friends help you ? Did you share or tell them your problems .
BUT , seriously sometimes when you trust the wrong person , things go worse and thats when you blame them . By that point , back to square 1 , that sucky feeling is back again .
At the 2nd time , you really find no hope again .
So you take up everything yourself . And after sometime you realise being by yourself isnt that bad afterall , cause you're already independant by that time .
Till now , i still dont know whats "friends" .
Defination -A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts .
Or should they be called people with masks , having the ability to plot against when you arent realising .
Lol , sounded very bad but its true when you can see this from your heart . Main point is , we should always choose our friends carefully , to prevent yourself from giving others the chance to betray you .
God gave us the ability to love , care , share , concern , but how come majority of us are always arguing , being selfish with one another , getting worked up at each other for no reason(sikit sikit ta bulehLOL) , despising others and the weak ones , laughing at those who look ugly on the outside .
We care for each other from the heart , not from the mouth . Many things we hope people understand , or perhaps THOUGHT they know . But never thought that they will never know until we tell them . (all of above statement is based on own's opinions) "

******************************

Sounds abit weird though . But then it was written based on a 16 yrs old mindset . Dont pin high hopes ! And don't think too much . It was a then-thinking thing .
Probably not now . (:

Lastly , i wanna say i love my girls and my boy ! For everything and memories they've given me , be it happy or sad . I'll love you all more each day ^_^

*如你想要拥有完美无暇的友谊，可能一辈子找不到朋友。*

Goodnight world ,
Why.

turning sour

i miss my old times , with my girls , at Lot One Shopping Mall .

i dont see anyone there for me (or anyone) anymore .

don't just use your mouths , i need a real heart !

The saying goes :

" One loyal friend is more than a thousand relatives . "

Where to find that kind of friend ! Bullshit .